David Piper

What is your idea of absolute sophistication?

My idea of absolute sophistication is not kicking the dog if she doesn't bark at burglars.

Who, in your opinion, is or was the quintessential English gentleman?

What does "quintessential" mean?

And the quintessential lady?

I'll have to change my petticoat before I answer that question.

Does the gentleman still have a place in the modern world?

Grilled halibut is more popular.

Name three two favourite items in your personal wardrobe.

My plus four opener and my mothball.

Which accessories do you never leave the house without?

I never leave the house without my Eighth Army medal.

Do "manners maketh man", and if so, how can young people be helped to acquire them?

Give them a good whipping or make them eat a plate of tripe.

Are you satisfied with the way young people attire themselves these days?

No.

Do you ever think there is a case for the return of National Service?

No.

What type of facial hair do you think is appropriate for a gentleman?

Ginger.

What vices, if any, do you believe are conducive to beauty of mind and elevation of the soul?

Smoking (kippers).

Which view from which window would you call a "portal to the sublime"?

Looking out of the lavatory window at Aunt Mabel's zimmer frame.