David Piper

What is your idea of complete sophistication?

Pink gins, hashish, (at least two) ladies freshly under the thrall of a pencil moustache, and the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, all in one room at no earlier than 5.00 am.

Who, in your opinion, is or was the quintessential English gentleman?

Arthur Cravan, born Fabien Avernarius Lloyd: dandy, poet, trouble-maker and boxer. One finds two distinct images of him: either with a rich fur coat, soft bowler and black veil, or in the ring, drunk, huge and devastatingly stylish.

And the quintessential lady?

Julie Christie

Where do you think the best-dressed people are?

Why, the Modern Times Club, of course.

Name three favourite items in your personal wardrobe.

My black silk hand-embroidered dressing gown, my full-length Victorian wool cloak with brass lion head buckles, and my custom-made all-in-one tweed jumpsuit.

Which accessories would you never venture into polite society without?

The mobile ashtray is invaluable. With the disgusting air-conditioned tide of public opinion (and when, may I ask, did that begin to count for anything?) turning against smoking, that most gentle and elegant of pastimes, this device instantly, and in an almost mystical and alchemical fashion, transforms social death into the happiest and most welcoming of fugs. My mobile peep-show is also very smart.

What single situation has been the greatest challenge to your wardrobe and your personal grooming skills?

Alcohol in the bloodstream upon awakening makes moustache trimming feel as perilous as Charlestoning down the Matterhorn. However, I am now unable to begin the day without this jolt of fear.

What items of clothing do you consider to be the height of vulgarity?

The current vogue for cutaway collars and huge tie knots, while fine for rugby players, whom, being realistic, one cannot expect to be stylish off the field, infuriates me so much I would very nearly prefer the estate agents who sport them to wear T-shirts instead, until they learn how to dress properly.

What vices, if any, do you believe are conducive to beauty of mind and independence of spirit?

Dancehall music, otherwise known as "ragga".

Which view from which window would you describe as "a portal to the sublime"?

The view through the peep-hole into my mobile peep-show, or Wyndham's Wond'rous Wandering Woo-Woo Wagon, as I prefer it to be known. You may also refer to it as PiperŐs Priz'd Peregrinating Peep-Show. That'll be two pounds please, sir!