R.I.P Gottfried von Bismarck

The great-great grandson of Otto von Bismarck has died of a suspected heroin overdose at his London flat. Von Bismarck was an eccentric homosexual with a penchant for dressing in ladies' clothing and hosting wild orgies. He celebrated his arrival at Oxford in 1983 with a dinner that feautured a pair of pig's heads at each end of the table.

At Oxford he joined clubs such as the Piers Gaveston Society, where he chose to wear rubber and occasionally lederhosen. His 'varsity days were cut short when his friend Olivia Channon was found dead of a drink and drugs overdose on his bed. Von Bismarck's removal from Oxford was so sudden that servants were sent by Prince Ferdinand to settle his considerable debts at tailors, wine merchants and restaurants.

Returning to Germany, he managed several telecoms companies, successfully for a while, until taking on the German wing of Telemonde, an American company. This resulted in spectacular debts of £105 million. Von Bismarck saw himself as an ideal candidate for a job in Britain, and he settled in Chelsea, where he soon found himself among the demi-mondaines of that louche borough. He was known for his flamboyant outfits, often wearing extremely tall hats on his enormous bald pate. He continued to host outrageous parties, one of which resulted in a gentleman falling to his death off a balcony. When the police came to investigate, they found the usual paraphernalia of intravenous heroin use, as well as buckets of sex toys and a large cannister of butane gas.

Mr. von Bismarck never married and left no heirs. He will be forever remembered by his compatriots as "a rotten son who brought shame on the name of Bismarck."