Electric Pipe Fails to Ignite Dissent

An American company has produced the first pipe that can be legally smoked in public places. The Crown7 replicates the act of smoking using a tiny nicotine cartridge, a microchip and propelyne glycol that produces the "smoke". The nicotine makes up 6 percent of the pipe, but it contains no carcinogens, only a tobacco flavour, according to the manufacturers. Neither does it produce any lingering clouds of pungently aromatic fumes, nor does it leave the smoker with clothes reeking of cherry vanilla Cavendish with a hint of Latakia.

As if the sole purpose of smoking were to produce fumes from the end of one's pipe or cigarette! This product seems as pointless as a vegetarian bacon sandwich or alcohol-free wine. "Propelyne glycol is used in toothpaste and mouth wash, and there's no residual odor (sic) on clothing or the room," said the manager of Crown7, an American.

While The Chap wholeheartedly supports any efforts to get around the smoking ban, this one seems unable to get off the ground. A man with a battery-operated pipe inhaling mouthwash would appear to lack the revolutionary elan one would hope for. It makes the Rev Anthony Carr (see news) of Kent seem like a modern-day Guy Fawkes.