Judge my Shrub

Send your photograhs of upper lip shrubbery, face furniture and sub-nasal appendages and our resident moustachioed bounder, Michael "Atters" Attree, will assess its potential as a force for follicular progress. Send your photos to Atters, PO Box 39216, London SE3 0XS, or email them to atters@thechap.net

(Right) Apparently Barnaby Martin esq. has been living in Shanghai wheeling and dealing in the international property market. "What can you say about this?" I am asked. Well "Aah, Bisto!" springs to mind. For that's evidently what this pedestrian lip-kitten has been imbibing from his saucer (at least I hope to god it is).

(Above) "My name: D. Wittelsbach. 'Stache influences: Mephistopheles, and also the Striped Raphael catfish." Excellent! Excellent! But why no mention of the goat?

(Right) "Three friends and I had a moustache competition, points being awarded for outrageousness and uncouthness more than Chapishness. Harry Coxson won. How would this fare at the WBMC?" Well sir, I am delighted to say that Mr Smithson's objectives were skilfully achieved. Undoubtedly, if I chose to sport such topiary, my ears would be glowing red too. All the same, as part of the WBMC committee, I would have gracefully accepted his freestyle entrance fee and politely shaken his hand...

(Above) "Hello Atters old chap, love your opinion on the development of my hirsute appendage." Well, Stuart Gordon Esq. (of Cleveland), as a fellow Handlebar Club member I obviously appreciate your appendage, but as for those two vile winos you've dredged up from the harbour, I'd chuck 'em back.

(Right) Mr Graeme McNabb bravely sent in this handsome, product-free handlebar for "moustache consideration" and I'm jolly pleased he did so, too. There is little room for childish mockery here (though I note that, should the gentleman stand upon his head, his magnificent eyebrow would look much the same too).

(Above) A curious Rachel B. Lindt (from California) lavished my whiskers with praise and stated "I am trying to figure out if you live your life how you show yourself in the pictures. If so, I congratulate you." Well, if those expressions are anything to do with figuring out my lifestyle, I had better congratulate myself as well. If not, then my praise falls entirely on you both alone for evidently reaching such dizzy heights of bewhiskered enlightenment. Bravo, gentlemen!