JOHN COOPER CLARKE

  
Punk raconteur, stand-up poet and dandiacal beanpole John Cooper Clarke is the only member of the so-called "Blank Generation" of the 1970s to survive with his reputation intact. Surrounded by safety pins, defaced T-shirts and underwear made from refuse sacks, Mr. Cooper Clarke clearly understood the value of a well-cut lounge suit and a double-barrelled surname. He is a freelance neckwear consultant and Doo Wop correspondent for The Chap.

 
 
What is your idea of complete sophistication?
A black suede bedroom.
Who, in your opinion, is or was the quintessential English gentleman?
The second Viscount Stansgate, Anthony Wedgwood Benn.
And the quintessential lady?
Dame Vera Lynn.
Where do you think the best-dressed people are?
In the film La Dolce Vita, and in a late 1950s American television series, 77 Sunset Strip (starring Efram Zinbalist Jr and Ed "Cookie" Byrnes).
Name three favourite items in your personal wardrobe.
An American sports jacket from the JC Penny "Gentry Prep" range. Cut from a woolen faux tweed with a muted check, it has three horn buttons, natural shoulders and raised seams; a John Smedley argyle polo shirt in Marino wool; a whole load of Fil d'Ecosse hosiery, available in bottle green, navy and an attractive shade of burgundy.
What single situation has been the greatest challenge to your wardrobe and your personal grooming skills?
S, M, L or XL. This method of size delineation should only apply to the poncho. What if you're S-er than an S?.
Which aspects of contemporary life do you think are most prohibitive of a gentlemanly lifestyle?
Speed bumps, especially when you've been eating out and are on the way home.
What items of clothing do you consider to be the height of vulgarity?
Those trousers (often made of vinyl) worn by some gentlemen of the lavender persuasion, where the arse is exposed.
What outfit would you wear for a day at Cheltenham Racecourse?
I refer you to Brighton Rock, the motion picture, and the suit worn by Spicer (William Hartnell). Made of a medium weight dogtooth cloth, it has padded shoulders, double breasted lapels and is cinched in with a single link button. It has a country zoot vibe and perfectly conveys that air of bucolic menace normally associated with the trackside operator.
And for a day at Ladbrokes Turf Accountant, Isle of Dogs branch?
Gabicci sweater (patterened but basically fuscia), Farrahs and a pair of tattersal carpet slippers, so that I look like I live around there.
Which view from which window would you describe as “a portal to the sublime”?
Blackpool Casino - the spiral staircase is completely glazed and so affords a 360-degree panorama.
What vices, if any, do you believe are conducive to beauty of mind and elevation of the soul?
Indolence.