What
is the single most important aspect of grooming a moustache as formidable
as yours?
Patience and
concentration. My family have learnt to keep out of the way, and not to
distract me when I am in the process of training it into shape.
Would you be prepared to divulge
the particular brand of moustache wax that you use?
At one time
I used Pinaud 'Clubman' exclusively, as it was the only brand available
at Harrods or Trumpers. It's disadvantage is that the 'neutral' shade
is actually white, which is not flattering to one whose hair is increasingly
greying. Now I use a mixture: the base is a clear wax imported from Munich
that sets very firmly, and at the ends a softer, honey-coloured was called
Dax.
What kind of ladies could
a fellow with luxuriant facial appendages hope to meet?
Having entered
the state of holy matrimony many years ago, I must answer this question
very discreetly. It is surprising how many ladies beg permission to touch
it, and on being allowed to do so dissolve into giggles. But, while its
effect on kissing is often speculated upon, sadly, few seem to want to
carry out a practical investigation.
Are there any activities that
a handlebar moustache might be prohibitive of?
I have not
participated in the enjoyable pastime of swimming since 1962, as the walrus
effect is not attractive. That is not to say that I do not frequently
enter the water involuntarily when holidaying on a narrow-boat. These
incidents usually take place near a public house.
What is your opinion on the
general state of the plumage displayed by today's youth?
Not high.
But our secretary tells me that he has had an application for membership
from a chap who is only 20 years old, so perhaps all is not lost.
What are your views on other
forms of moustache, such as the pencil?
At the Beard
& Moustache Championships, held biennially, there are many different
classes, including Hungarian (big and bushy), English (short and neatly
waxed), Chinese (pointing down), Salvador Dali (pointing up), and Kaiser
(with side whiskers), all of which have their devotees. But pencil! Words
fail me.
How do you feel about beards?
I first started
to grow my moustache as an undergraduate in Cambridge, in order to be
different from my contemporaries, who were all growing beards. The beards
were all shaved off long ago, but my moustache is still going strong.
What single incident has caused
you the greatest concern for your moustache?
A few years
ago I appeared on a television programme, and the presenter insisted on
pulling out the ends of my moustache to see if it had grown longer than
the current record. Unfortunately he broke off several inches from one
side, and of course I had to trim the other side to even it up.
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